We've all seen and drooled over WetRob before. WetRob is nothing new. But no matter how many times we've seen him, WetRob usually causes a whole lotta wetness in everyone around him, ususally without even coming near us, sadly. The boy has mad skillz.
Thus begins "WetRob: A Retrospective." (or is that, a "WetRobspective?")
We first saw WetRobric in Harry Potter, plunging into the bog to complete the Twi-Wizard World Domination Contest, or whatever the heck it was called. Who cares? It gave us a pink-cheeked young WetRob in shorty-shorts and a tank top. That's all that matters.
(Only WetRobric could have a jellyfish devouring half his face and still be this adorable.)
Have discovered I am perilously in danger of having my Robsessed card revoked, because my lovely friend Jala just reminded me that I completely forgot WetRoby in the bathtub! HOW is this possible? How could I forget naked Roby in the tub, getting sponged down by the luckiest woman on the face of the earth next to Kristen Stewart? I think WetRob should chase me around, whipping me with a wet bath towel in punishment for my crime of omission. But in penance, here is said clip of Roby being massaged and bathed and generally letting us get a fantastic gander at the Mole Porn all over his back and neck. *tucks Robsessed card firmly in back pocket next to my tingling right cheek before anyone notices*
Next we have WetRobvador. Oh so pretty, dog-paddling around in the moonlight in his skivvies with Javier Beltran. Javier's no slouch, but I think he got the better end of that deal, macking on this for several takes:
"Look. My hands are amazing. Would you like me to (insert fantasy here) you with them?"
A quick poll: How many of you freeze-framed the following scene dozens of times trying to get a gander at Rob's free-floating underwater junk? Yeah, that's what I thought. Perves. (:52 is a good one!)
Of course, no one can forget WetRobward. Poor, earnest WetRobward, sitting in the rain with Bella, getting drenched, while she remained inexplicably dry. (At least the parts of her we could see.)
Blue face, red lips, eyeliner, manscaping...still hot! Only Rob. That jaw, that neck, that penetrating...stare. Did I mention the jaw? And the Adam's apple, or "goozle," as my friend Pattzy calls it...big goozle, big doozle, ifyaknowwhatI'msayinandIthinkyado.
When in doubt, one can always count on WetT-ShirtRob to cause spontaneous lubrication of anyone in the vicinity. Because, ya know, his wet clothes will get water on you. (What did you think I meant?)
"I dare you to make fun of my white-man's Jheri curls."
WetT-ShirtRob with his hands dangerously close to his wet junk? Total win!
Makes me wonder how the shoot with photog Theo Warner went for this thing...
Theo: OK, so Rob, how 'bout I hose you down and you try to look sexy for me?
Rob: Um, what?
Theo: You know, douse you with water, like a Flashdance kinda thing. Retro is in. I already humiliated you with the acid-wash tight jeans and Bedazzler vest, so this will be a piece of cake.
Rob: Ehrm, yeah, okay, sure.
*Theo throws bucket of water over Rob*
Theo: Yeah, that's it! Hot! Work it! Chicks dig the mipples, man.
Rob: The what???
Theo: Man nipples. Women are into 'em.
Rob: Really? Should I just take my shirt off?
Theo: No, that's okay. Until you do something about that jungle under your armpits, I think less is more.
Okay, admittedly, purposely-wet, posed Rob has a bit of eau de fromage about it. Sure, he's hot, but also teetering precariously somewhere between Tiger Beat and gay internet porn. It's kind of nice to see casual, minding-my-own-business-walkin'-down-the-street-drunk-until-some-frackin'-papz-get-in-my-face, accidentally wet Rob; or RainRob, as I call him.
Mmmmm...look at how the rain is running down that supple leather jacket, splattering his hoodie and those falling-down fug pants....makes you just wanna take him home and strip him outta those wet clothes
and towel him dry with your tongue before he gets pneumonia, doesn't it?
And maybe by the time you get him home and out of the rain,
you're he's so damp that he really just needs to go all the way with you and get in the shower. Once you're both all wet, why fight it? WetRobler looks to be more fun than a Slip-n-Slide on a hot July day, or 2-for-1 ticket day at the Wet-n-Wild Water Park. I mean clearly the dude knows his way around a shower nozzle.
Eh, what's a little grout mildew when there's Robler shower sex to be had?
After all that good clean fun, Rob is ready to go back out into the world and earn some hard-earned money. BathRob is just so darn cute, you wanna pinch his cheeks. (I'll let you choose which ones.)
Apparently it was raining a bit before the BAFTA awards on Sunday, so I am happy to blame the state of Rob's hair on the inclement London weather. The rain giveth; the rain taketh away.
Interestingly, WetBAFTARob looks a bit like Robric Digginson here, doesn't he? Ah, the wondrous Circle of WetRob. Long may he make panties moist the world over.