It’s a New Day. It’s a New Rob. It’s a New Do!

This one we’ll call DoRoy in honor of the character it will apparently be crowning in “Bel Ami.”

Lots of criticism out there about its flatitude. (Don’t feel bad, Rob’s hair, his girlfriend gets similar complaints, but at the end of the day you’ll both be sleeping with him and the whiners won’t, so it’s all WIN.)

Now we know Rob’s hair isn’t really flat. The world fell victim to the same vicious rumors sometime back (probably started by OK! Magazine), and a bunch of people got burned at the stake for poo-pooing them, but since then, it’s acted so round that the controversy has faded. Oh, there are a few diehards, known as Nonrounders, who swear they’re teetering on the edge. To them I say, teeter away – whatever turns you on.

But there’s no doubt that Rob’s hair will rise again. Like a phoenix, bursting forth in all its magnificence on its campaign to reach the far corners of the universe. It is, after all, Rob’s universe. He only lets us lust here. In the meantime, here’s a little poem to make the current do feel welcome.

There was a notagirl

Who had a little curl

Right on one side of his forehead

And when he was hawt

He was very, very hawt

And when he was not, he was torrid!