Saturday, January 23, 2010

Haiti Hangover (aka Beardy Rob)

I don't know whether it was all the crying I did over the heart-wrenching images of Haiti or my inability to see Rob's jawline at last night's Hope For Haiti telethon, but something has me feeling a bit under the weather today. A bit melancholy. I was thrilled to see so many celebs give of their time and talents, and so many people give what donations they could to help those who are in such dire straits. But the images of the devastation were very hard to take...very overwhelming. Yet what struck me most was the indomitable spirit of the Haitian people, no matter how bad their circumstances. Their faith and hope during this time of crisis gives an example to us all.

It seems much to-do is being made of Rob's short speech last night. We all know this type of public speaking isn't Rob's forte, and he looked quite nervous during his short stint during the telethon. But he also spoke clearly and fluently, making no mistakes, and looking somewhat shaken from the story he was telling of a girl trapped under a building for six days until her text message for help was answered. I thought he did a fine job. I was proud of him. Not that I'm in a position to be proud, but I was anyway.

And now, on to the important topic of What Rob Looked Like. How many of you laughed when I suggested that this might be what would show up last night?

Who's laughing now, eh?

Certainly not me. Beardy Rob is no laughing matter. Beardy Rob seems to have caused all sorts of hubbub on the 'net. Some love it...he's so manly! He must have enough testosterone to impregnate us from halfway around the globe with just one well-placed Sex Stare! (YOU know the one I'm talking about.)

Some are less enthusiastic. He looks like a Yeti! He should have had more respect for the fund-raising efforts and shaved! (Um, like Justin Timberlake and THE HOST, George Clooney? Okay, I get that argument.)

Personally, I fall somewhere in the middle. Anything that hides such a beautiful face, with such a stunning jawline, is not my favorite thing in the world, or on Rob, anyway. However, I believe that he's doing it partly to prepare for his role in Bel Ami, in which the style of the times dictates that he have some sort of facial hair. (The other part of him simply can't be arsed to shave.) And frankly, in the pic below, he looks like such an ethereally beautiful example of 1800s manhood (minus the ball cap,) that I am perfectly fine with this look while Rob is doing Bel Ami. And filming starts next week! (Thanks, Diana!)

In speaking with some of my other Rob Peeps, they have noted that Rob seems a little heavier, which is all good in my book. Have another Hot Pocket and a Heinie, Rob! Have six!

My lucky (read: delusional) friend Amanda had a chat with Rob after the telethon which went something like this:
Rob: So, that was my Haitian Relief Appearance
Me: No blinking?
Rob: I....I don't blink.
Me: Ever?
Rob: *smiles lightly* No, not at all.

I had to watch the video of Rob speaking again...and it's true, he didn't blink for an entire minute...just twice at the very end! Perhaps he didn't want to mess up while reading the teleprompter. That takes amazing skill. Or maybe half a valium, Rob? ;)

My friend who wishes to be known cryptically as "Roblivious" (should I trademark that?) summed the whole thing up quite handily in this excellent Hope For Haiti Rob Performance Exit Poll:

During his speech, Rob did the following:
A. Peed
B. Shit
C. Cried
D. Barfed

He kept his hands in his pocket because:
A. He swallowed his knuckles in a nail-biting frenzy
B. He couldn't remember which way his peen was pointing
C. He was digging for crumbs because 60 seconds is way too long to go without something in your mouth
D. He was frantically texting KStew the whole time.

The logo on Rob's jacket reads:
A. My other coat's a Members Only
B. Chamber of Commerce: Hoor Island
C. Dharma Initiative (because he's totes in love with Emile de Ravin)
D. No one can read it cause he embroidered it his own self

He was chosen to talk about technology because:
A. He's hoping to replace the 'Can you hear me now' guy
B. He secretly tweets himself silly
C. He and TomStu often chat via orange juice cans and a string
D. Worldwide panty-poofing ensues when he says "org"

("Roblivious" should have her own blog, shouldn't she? Brilliant!)

No matter what any of us thinks about Rob's appearance, or performance, I think we would all agree that his heart, mind and conscience are all in excellent shape. Go on with your bad self, Beardy Rob. But when it comes time for a shave, will you please call me first?


  1. Great review of last night's inspiring telethon! After watching the whole thing twice, I have to say that - I'm not sure - but I think there might have been some other celebrities involved. There was that 60 seconds of heaven, plus the time leading up to it when I was squeeing too loud to hear the TV, followed by a recuperation period in which I was only semi-conscious. Tonight I plan to view it again in slo-smo to see if I can catch any other recognizable faces. BTW, you're funny, and you have some funny friends.

  2. Brilliant observation darling.*golf clap*

    To my peeps Amanda and "Roblivious" y'all crack me up daily. If not more that once a day.hardy har har

    SMOOCHES HOT BITCH (this is for Rob not you Leann.tee hee)

  3. Ya think so, eh? Me too...they're awesome. ;) According to Google, Rob was basically the only one on the telethon. I think many people had the same experience you did. Still surprises me...don't know why, but it does!

  4. Dahling, I'm fangirling over your hilarity, here. I'm not sure if my post thingy will actually work 'cause it's been for-evah since I've been inspired (haha) to post anywhere. Thank you for 'manning' up (that's a word right?) and making this oh-so-clever Blog.

  5. "Manning" is a word now, BB! And the fangirling goes both ways. Thank you for allowing me to share your intimate conversation with Rob for the whole world to see. It's more than we'll ever get from KStew. ;)

  6. Yes, Roblivious should.


  7. A/LA- Why are you anonymous? You have an account. It should show up in Google.

  8. Perfect.... And I love the guest "stars".

  9. Me too, Mandy! They're awesome. You are too.

  10. He DIDN'T blink, did he?

    Bless him.......he did so well.

    I think the beard is to keep him somewhat disguised here in London, and it seems to be doing its job......

    Papps only twice, and hardly any public sightings.....

    Great post...

    BarnesGirl11 xx

  11. RPattz puts all he has into whatever he does ~ no wonder he,s gods gift to love him too.