Friday, April 23, 2010

The Rob Bic lighter mystery, solved (by a heinie!)

Day Two of my Ownership of One of Robert Pattinson's Discarded Bic update:

Yesterday found me wasting precious moments of my life on this earth wondering if Rob uses his cigarette lighters for chew toys, anger-management therapy, or something kinky that I can use as inspiration in the next chappie of my fic.  Clearly I cannot continue down this path of hopeless insanity  sick obsession  puzzled curiosity.

Thankfully, understanding is now mine, thanks to the astute observations of my friend Mandy.  The answer lies right here, my friends:
Yes...the Holy Grail.  (At least, it is for a cheap date like Rob.)

It seems that Mandy often opens bottles of beer with the end of her lighter, in the absence of an actual bottle opener.  How about that?  As a non-smoker, I am completely unschooled in the MacGuyver-like uses of the ordinary butane lighter.  Apparently, one does not need a Swiss army knife if one is armed with this sucker: --------------------------------> 
Elizalou was quick to pipe up that she also has a friend who uses his Bic to wrestle open import beers, which are not as accomodating as their screw-cap-lidded domestic counterparts. (In this country, they want you to get the beer open as fast as humanly possible, so that'll you consume at least one extra before the night is through.)  Hmmm.....whom do we know who likes to drink import beers 'round these parts? Anyone? Bueller?                                                                        (Ah, the 3AM-Hobo-Heinie-Run...note the surreptitious glance around to make sure no one has seen what a raging alcoholic great beer connoisseur you are.)
I went to the grocery store today on my weekly pilgrimage to stock up on a crate a little bottle of wine for dinner, so I snuck a quick peek at the beer bottles to ascertain whether or not a Heinie lid made the evenly-spaced indentations and scratches all over the bottom of Rob's old lighter. Ladies and gents (are there any crazed dudes who have wandered onto this raging X-chromosome of a blog?)...we have a match. --------------------->
Thank God (and Mandy!) I can pick up the pieces of my tormented life and go on.  Plus, I have a really cool new bottle-opener.  One that might have been used to wrestle open many a Heinie in this very trailer....


  1. I don't know about going on with RL, because now you can imagine drunk Rob lighting cigarette after cigarette with it. It doesn't even belong to me, and that is all I can imagine. Gah!

  2. Hahaha...this is perfect! I tried to imagine where the little marks came from (a pet hamster? Rob adjusting gears on his bike?)...nothing made sense. I think you have the real McCoy here. You need to protect this item from ppl like me who want to *sniff* it and might accidentally sneeze on it. Put it under a glass globe or something!

  3. Mandy, trust me, I have imagined it over and over...and it's hot. So verah, verah HAWT!

    Robsmacked, you are more than welcome to come sniff the lighter...alas, it smells of nothing except a little butane, when I try to spark it to life. heeeeee, Rob's pet that one "Chubbles" that you speak of? If so, I'm a bit fearful of the mighty power of Rob's hamster! *ifyaknowwhatI'msayin'andIthinkyado!*

  4. The places that lighter has been.

    Jealous, much?

    Barnesey xoxo

  5. Leann..BWHAHAHA!! *ouch*

  6. " that a hamster in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"