Sunday, April 11, 2010

I Got Lucky! And, does Edward Cullen's member cause freezer burn?

Last night, a strange and wondrous thing happened:  I actually won Something Kewl on ebay.  Something extremely cool, actually, in my little Robsessed mind.

Like many others, I was deeply affected by the movie Remember Me.  It worked on all levels for me, even the stunning and somewhat controversial ending.  The film's conclusion felt like a cheap trick to some: a plot device implemented to manipulate and blindside viewers.  But isn't that exactly what 9/11 was?  Thousands of innocent lives were lost in a senseless and brutal act, designed to shock, anger and illicit a very specific and gutteral response.  So the use of it in Remember Me didn't feel any more manipulative and heart-breaking to me than the original event did.  It was tastefully done, and foreshadowed with subtle clues throughout the film.

I have now seen Remember Me a half-dozen times in the theater, and am struck by the story and the moving performances every time. (And by Rob's beauty...not even gonna try to lie!) I have also been watching numerous props and costumes from the movie come and go on Ebay, and have bid and lost a few times, trying to own a little memento from this film that I love.  I was especially sad to lose out on owning the book of Greek myths that Tyler gave Caroline in the movie, because I love books and I love art; and because it reminded me of the favorite stories I used to make my dad read to me over and over before bedtime when I was a kid. 

Finally I did score this, which may or may not have been Fondled By Rob while doing the slew of lighting-up-a-ciggie scenes throughout RM.  I didn't pay a lot, but when you add in the shipping, this may be the Most Expensive Cheapass Bic Lighter in the history of the world -------------------------->

You never may be the SAME BIC sitting right here in front of Robler, waiting to be picked up and caressed by his gorgeous fingers:
(Hey, a girl can dream, right? ;p )

But last night, the Gods of Fate came smiling down upon me.  I managed to scoop up, at a very reasonable price, the lovely drawing of Charles Hawkins / Pierce Brosnan that Robler rips off the wall of the gallery, pulls off its backing, and carries on his bike so he can wave it at dear ol' dad in an apoplectic rage during an impromptu board meeting.

I don't think the folks at Premiere Props knew what they were selling, to be honest.  They described the drawing as being "pulled off its backing, with a tear in the lower lefthand corner." if they were apologizing for the condition of it.  Did they not realize the condition was because it was used in a very pivotal part of the film, and thoroughly man-handled by Rob?  Hmmm!  Their loss is my gain.  
I wonder how I will behave when said item arrives in my mail?  Will I stare at it reverently as if it's a DaVinci sketch?  Will I inspect it / dust it for Rob's smudged fingerprints?  Paw it lovingly, hoping that it has miraculous healing properties like the Shroud of Turin; or perhaps able to give instant orgasms, as my friend DD suggested?  Will I have its Rob DNA extracted so that I can create my own little Robler love child? 

That last suggestion prompted another demented interesting exchange amongs the Ladies of the Chain Gang.  A sample:

Jala: And if it's THE ONE, he surely sweated over it. It'll have LOTS of DNA on it. You get enough to send Robsperm to each of us and we could all have little Roblovechildren. Now THAT would definitely bewilder him.

Jittzpattzing: we could start a robcommune filled with his beautiful children....think of it. magical LOL

Leann: AND we could start a baseball team with them all in 15 years! "The Robinators."

Jittzpattzing: they would suck hahahahaha! more like we should start a band. they can each play a diff instrument

Leann: Ooh yeah! The Robtones. With the scariest bunch of stage moms EVAH!!!

Jittzpattzing:  Sounds like the band would be lame, but we could work on that. Get TomStu to be band manager

Leann:  Ooh, smokin'! Then we could have affairs with the band manager and get his hot BFF to come sit in on our practice sessions, then start wondering why all the kids have big blue-green eyes and sculpted bone structure and hair to die for.

Jittzpattzing:  LMAO....i picture a scenario where they individually go up to him and say something he's said before, like:

R: "How'r you doing, lad?"
RobKid1: "Do you sometimes think you're not really feeling your emotions, that you're just pretending?"

R: "Is that your mom over there?"
RobKid2: "Yeah, but i mean, I think i feel most emotionally connected with my dog"

R: "Do you like being famous?"
RobKid3: "Not really...but it's just my life now. I try to ignore it"

And Rob just starts thinking he's going crazy....LOL

(Not as crazy as we are, that's for DAMNED sure.  -blog ed. note)

In other LOTC shenanigans, a lively debate was had over what would happen if one were to attempt to achieve coitus with the stone-cold Robward Cullenson.  You know, this dude...the Sparkly Cold One.  ---------------------->

Speculations ran wild, naturally:

 Leann:  I just realized Edward Cullen's only flaw: he will never have morning wood!!!

Diana:  No, he is just "rock hard" (and I mean that literally) any time he feels the spirit! Holy crap. Think about. The book says he is hard like marble, and that prude SM is talking about his chest. Think what that means for the love rocket!
Leann:  I'm's a reason dildos aren't made out of marble! *ouch*
DD:  Exactly, that what I was thinking when I was reading the Isla Esme episode. Holy cow. How does that work when his peen is hard like marble and cold as ice. Whew
Leann:  Hence the hottie-hot-hot island! Still, that doesn't explain the fact that his dick would be about as pliant as the statue of David. Wonder if Steph was sorry later that she made Edward so hard? I mean, how the heck does he move? lol
DD:  Well the island being so hot helps her when she is laying up against him. But having a marble dick that is as cold as ice pounding in and out of you won't feel any different because you are laying in a sauna.

Leann:  Hopefully it's not cold as ice....just cold as a corpse. A corpse would be, what, room temperature? So maybe his dick is close to normal temperature on the island! LOL
Mamasaint:   omg hahahahahah way too analytical of a fictional vampire's room temperature (or not) corpse-like dick. Bahahaha

Leann:  Now, you would be disappointed if I were anything less than way too analytical!

Erin Batt:  Since you can't hurt him...can't we like, take a blow torch to his unit prior to sex?
*every guy within a 30 mi radius just shuddered and they have no idea why*

Jittzpattzing:  hahahahahaha omg earlier i was thinking, u could wrap one of those ultra burny hot towels the pedicurist puts around your legs she gets out of the microwave and has to handle with tongs around his dick right before sex hahahaha
LMAO well they get it out of the microwave and have to use tongs and then shake it out....i always think to myself, 'um do i really want that around my legs and feet?' hahahaha

Leann:  If you apply that first phrase to Robward's dick, you get the FUNNIEST mental picture!

A/LA:  or use a toaster oven.
"BELL-AA! I told you to take the pop tart sout before we have sex! Now I'm sticky!"
someone tell me to shut up hahaha

Jittzpattzing:  it would get those wire lines on it though fr the toaster LOL. it would be like 'jailbait' dick. oh wait, he IS 17! hahahaha

Leann:  OMG...."Teens...I can do teens." Oh wait, wrong movie and character.
I'm literally snorting with laughter right now! Look at how BADLY we want to have sex with Robward Cullenson....

Jittzpattzing:  yeah pretty badly LOL  there's a great one shot fic of edward submerging himself completely in a burning hot tub, his face and all not having to breathe for hours before bella gets home so she can have sex with him once like his body would be her temp. it was really sweet actually LMAO

Erin Batt:  Gah! Idk what's more deliciously heavenly right now...imagining the spa or Robward's dick.  Do I lose my membership card for that one?

Leann:  Combine the two and it's TOTAL WIN!

Mamasaint:  LOL The obvious answer would've been Robward dick AT the spa.

Leann:  Great minds, Mamasaint.....!

Kathy (just arriving home and catching up on email:)  So this whole thread is how to warm up Edward's dick before he puts it in you? Just wondering.

DD:  Exactly. Otherwise, you will have freezer burn in your vag. Hahahahahaha  (ed. note: Erin Batt and Jittzpattzing came up with that little theory, but I have somehow tech-tardedly deleted key parts of this VIP--Very Important Penis--conversation!)

Kathy:    Hahaha not to mention the possibility of severe chafing....and as long as I'm on this subject, would his cold dick cause any wetness from the woman to freeze like ice??? just wonderin'....

Erin Batt:  Yup...'bout sums it all up...Hahahaha...

And I leave you with these profound thoughts on a Sunday, my lovelies.  Off to do something productive with the rest of my day that doesn't have to do with, uh, freezer-burn or turkey-basting with DNA gleaned from a wrinkled movie prop.  I'm pretty sure God is frowning down upon me at the moment....

P.S. Look what DD found!  Gives a whole new meaning to the Nike slogan, doesn't it?  Not to mention Rob's shiteous Nikes.....


  1. What a brill purchase :)

    Soooo pleased for you xxxx


  2. Great blog and art-coup of the century! Take that Sotheby's and Christie's. Actually, I suspect it's eBay that screwed themselves. That's what they get for falling asleep in Art Appreciation (or RM appreciation)class. And may I add that the ladies of your Chain Gang are a discerning and hysterical bunch of Robh00rs?

  3. haha f*cking hysterical discussion! LMAO :D wish I could've joined :)

  4. Leann, congratulations on your astute purchase of memorabilia from this beautiful film!! BTW, I loved your commentary on what RM meant to you. You said it better than any of the reviews I read.

    This blog continues to turn out hilarious *oddball/wit*. I snickered and guffawed my way through the DNA and cold/hard/dick banter. It occurred to me if Rob really wanted to show his appreciation to his fans he should open his own sperm bank. (Is there any money in it for NBs who think up this stuff?!!)

  5. Leann, I am so excited for you on your most recent purchase.

    BTW.... I've decided to say screw RL, I always miss the best convos. I hope my kids appreciate it.

  6. Hi Leann, can I get your permit to Publish your "12- Step Program for Robsession" on my blog ? I'll list the source.

    PS. My blog just for fun, just for feed my Robsession and it in Indonesia Language (I am from Indonesia)

    I am waiting for your reply, thank u

  7. RPindo, sure, help yourself to the 12-Step Program! I'm sure no one wants to actually do the would be waaaay too painful and impossible! ;) Thanks for checking out my blog. Please send me a link to yours so I can take a look!

  8. Aww thank u so much Leann.
    You can click on my Name to get link to my blog (but it in Indonesia language)

    I find your 12-Step Program sooo hilarious and actually I have been try it about 2 moon ago and it didnt work at all LOL