Without further ado:
The Ultimate Fan Encounter with Rob, by the lucky Roblivious:
Well, I promised not to say anything right away, but a couple of hours ago I happened to be in this truck stop outside of Midland just browsing through the Hot Pockets when this guy comes over and says, "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but could you tell me if these button-fly jeans make me look fat?" I didn't recognize him at first cause of the godawful hideous beard, but the voice was familiar. I assured him that no, his ass looked good enough to eat and his junk made a very pleasing wrinkle in the front. He said, "I hope you didn't mind my asking. It's just that I feel like I can talk to you, like I've known you a long time. Would you mind listening to something I just wrote?" He swung the guitar off his back and started playing and kind of caterwauling something about a handbasket. I assured him that it was great, and he said, "Well, I can't help telling you that if I were into older women, I would totally do you, and besides you look much younger than whatever it is you are. I'm going to meet my girlfriend and I can't decide whether I should greet her like this - at this point, he gives me a tender, sensual kiss - or like this and he flat out lays one on me while dry-humping me up against the lottery ticket machine. I told him she ought to be happy with either one, and he said could we go somewhere for a beer, and I said sure, and he said "I'm a little shy when it comes to one-on-one, do you have - oh, I don't know - about 15 friends who'd like to come along?" and I said, gosh, I'm sorry, I can't think of anyone but good luck with that, and he cried a little but I'm sure he'll get over it eventually. And that's the truth.
Jittzpattzing commented: THAT def qualifies as best fan account ever. She needs to throw in a random baby tho that he can coo over
Roblivious responded: Did I forget that part? Oh, yeah, he said we'd make beautiful babies what with my ginormous head & his ginormous wrinkle so I showed him my kids' baby pix & he started whimpering. I asked if he was OK & he explained that his sperm had been killing him lately - they so want to get out & babify someone. I said, how about your gf? He said, well her heads not as ginormous but she's kind of cute. I said, no, I meant doesn't she want you to babify her? He said, right now she's happy with her cat. I said, cats die. They don't even live very long. He said, you're my soulmate, aren't you? I said, maybe in another life & he cried a little, but he's a strong man - with a ginormous wrinkle.
And that's how we roll here on the Chain. Batshit crazy, but harmless. I'm pretty sure. So far, anyway. But that may be because few of us have gotten within actual proximity of Rob. I would like to think we would not be waving LifeSize Edwards outside the windows of whatever establishment he's trying to relax in, but you never know what the heat of HHH might do to a girl....