Monday, September 13
Edward: Just got your voice mail. Wish I could talk to you in person but I know you’re driving. So glad you liked the birthday present. When I thought about what you’d really like, the guitar and sheet music was the best idea I could come up with. Drive carefully and remember to let me know when you get to your Dad’s. Love you.
Bella: Damn, we keep missing each other. I’m at a truck stop in BF Egypt, filling up the gas-guzzler. I think old Red gets negative miles to the gallon. The present was perfect. I promise you, I WILL make that guitar sing. Eventually. ;-)
E: I know you will. It’s later -- you should be in Forks by now. Please let me know when you get there safely.
B: I’m here. No problems on the road. How is your jaw?
E: Hurts like hell. It’s good for me. I’m glad your trip was uneventful. I love you.
B: Put ice on it again and take those pills your dad gave you. I love you, too.
E: Can’t sleep. Keep thinking about last night. I know you hate apologies, but I owe you one. Coming to your place and forcing myself on you like that was inexcusable, no matter how freaked out I was about the thought of losing you. As if pounding you into the headboard was going to keep you from leaving my sorry ass. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.
B: You know I won’t. I love you. I knew what was going on with you. I pushed you into getting therapy; you pushed back. I would have stopped you if I’d wanted to.
P.S. I’ll let you in on a little secret -- I like being pounded into the headboard. By you, anyway.
E: Hate to tell you, but that’s not much of a secret. I may be oblivious to some things, but recognizing what turns you on isn’t one of them. The difference last night was that I didn’t pay attention. I was selfish. I took without giving. I’ll never do that to you again.
B: Apology accepted. But I don’t accept the idea that you’ll never give me a good pounding again. In fact, I demand that you do. Just let me catch up next time.
E: That is definitely something I can agree to. I look forward to it. So when is it that you’re coming back to Seattle?
B: LOL Not sure. As much as I miss you, I think you and I both need this time apart. Just to think. Figure things out. I do, anyway.
E: I know. You’re right. Do what you need to do. I promise to do the same.
B: Love you. Good night.
E: Sweet dreams, Bella.
Tuesday, September 14
E: Can’t stop thinking about you. I know what a hard day this will be for you. Call me if you need to talk. Hope you and your dad are doing okay.
B: Sorry I didn’t answer earlier. I was up and out in the wilderness at the ass-crack o’ dawn, believe it or not. Charlie wanted to take me fishing. It was kind of nice. Peaceful. Kept our minds off of things. We actually caught a few trout, so looks like I’ll be cooking tonight. Didn’t have any phone service out there to answer you ‘til now. Don’t worry, the day is going okay. Gonna call Phil in a bit and see how he’s doing. Thanks for checking up on me. You’re the best.
E: I’ll always check up on you. Glad you and your dad are spending some quality time together. Makes me think I should do the same w/mine. I told him about the other night and let him check out my face, so you and Alice should be happy. He gave me the name of a good psychotherapist, BTW. I have an app’t. with her Thursday afternoon. Wish me luck.
B: You won’t need luck. I know you hate doing this, but I have a strong feeling that you’ll be glad you did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have pushed you so much.
E: I know. I’m getting used to the idea. It’ll be a good thing, I think. You can say ‘I told you so’ later.
B: I don’t need to. Just let me know how it goes. Good, bad or ugly, I want to know.
E: You’ll be the first to hear about it. Hate to go but my next client is here.
B: Go heal -- it’s what you do best.
E: Guess we’ll soon find out.
Wednesday, September 15
E: Just got back from Billy’s. Jazz and I did a little open mic action. Went well. Crowd was good. No tomatoes. NGL, Imma li’l drunk right now. Miss you. Bad. Why does whiskey make it worse? What are you wearing? Shit. Sorry. Meant to say, How was your day?
B: LOL Glad to see you’re just a “li’l” drunk. Sorry I missed you and Jasper -- you know how much I love hearing you sing. Been practicing on the Martin all day long. I’m going to make you proud one of these days.
E: You make me proud every day. And grateful. I don’t know why the hell you put up with me.
B: Stop it. That self-deprecation is something you should ask the therapist about tomorrow.
E: Don’t remind me. And BTW you should do that yourself. Makes me nuts when you get all insecure and think I won’t be satisfied with you or that I still love my dead ex-girlfriend. You need to get over that shit. If you could see inside my mind you’d know how consumed I am with thoughts of you. All hours of the day and night. If that’s crazy, I don’t care. Call me certifiable. I love you. I need you. I want you. Only you. Now tell me what you’re wearing for fuck’s sake.
B: Wow. Remind me to get you to this exact level of intoxication next time we’re together. I’m wearing the same tank top and pajama pants I always wear to bed. Now go jerk off like a good, horny boy and then sleep it off. Don’t you have clients in the morning?
E: Just a couple. Then I have app’ts. Very Important Appointments. Getting-My-Shit-Together-For-Bella Appointments.
B: You mean for Edward.
E: Fine. For both of us. I won’t apologize for doing it for you, too. Everything I do is at least partly for you. I’m hanging up now before I start spouting bad Bryan Adams songs.
B: LOL God, I love you. When you’re whacking off tonight, imagine my mouth on you. Licking . . . Sucking . . . Swallowing. Deep. Sweet dreams, sexy man.
E: Fuck. Me. How long does it take to drive to Forks? I’m ready to get in the car right now.
B: You’re drunk as hell. Go to bed. That’s an order.
E: I love Bossy Bella.
B: I know.
Thursday, September 16
B: Haven’t heard from you yet. Must admit I’m a little nervous. Please tell me how everything went with the therapist. How are you?
E: Okay. Or at least, I will be. Sorry I didn’t call or text. Have a lot going on in my head right now. Trying to sort out my thoughts. When I do, you’ll hear from me, I promise.
B: Okay. You’re scaring me a little. Was it that bad?
E: Yes, and no. In the grand scheme of things, it was good. Just . . . difficult. But I expected it to be.
B: I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do. Please call me if you want to talk.
E: I will. I guess I’m the one who needs some time now.
B: Fair enough. I’ll be here when you need me.
E: I always need you. Don’t ever doubt that.
B: Goes both ways. Only three days and I miss you like crazy.
E: Only takes me about three hours.
B: I know. Me too. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. Don’t know how many more contemplative walks in the woods I can take. It’s too green here. Gives me the creeps.
E: LOL My nature girl. A little self-analysis goes a long way, doesn’t it?
B: Yeah. It’s hard, but worth it.
E: You’re right, I know. Perspective, and all that.
B: Right. I’ll let you know when I’m coming home. Tomorrow night I’m meeting up with a few old classmates who are still here in Forks.
E: Really? Anyone I should worry about? Mike Newton, perhaps?
B: *snort!* No. And even if he were here, he’d be nothing for you to worry about. You know that.
E: Yeah, I know. We both need to work on being secure in our relationship.
B: You’re right, we do. Guess the therapist is doing her job.
E: So far, so good. I promise I’ll tell you all about it as soon as I get my head together.
B: No hurry. I’m not going anywhere, honest. Forks isn’t that far. I’ll be back soon. I miss you too much not to.
E: Ditto. But I’m glad you did what you had to do. I think I’m ready to do the same.
B: Good. I love you, Edward.
E: I love you, too. That’s one thing I don’t need a shrink to help me figure out.
E: Back atcha, baby.
Saturday, September 18
B: Wee! My turn for drunk texts. Fuck I think the booze is stronger here than in Seatlte. Is that possible?
E: I don’t think so. Unless some asshole slipped something in your drink. Who were you with?
B: Eh, no one you know. Couple guys, Eric and Tyler and this bitch Lauren. She was a bitch in HS and she’s still a bitch. But even she wouldn’t slip sumthin in my dink. Drink. Shit. LOLOL No, I just had too much. Dumb drunking games. You know I cant play sports. Even bar sports. Fucking lose every tine.
E: LOL Oh, my sweet girl. You are not going to be well tomorrow. Wish I was there to hold your hair back when you vomit, then make you greasy hash browns in the morning.
B: Oh I already barfed once at the bar. Not prety. Made it to the toilet tho at least. Missed you all night. You shoulda seen the lozers in this place. Had to get drunk just to look at ‘em. Guh that’s mean! I’m so spoiled. You’re sexy as fuck. You know your the sexiest fucker I’ve ever seen with my actual eyes who wasn’t like on a movie screen somewhere. Fuck. I miss you. Picturing you naked now. Plz tell me you’r naked.
E: Christ. I’m about to be. It’s not right that your drunk texts make me this hot. I see my swearing has been a bad influence on you. Even if I was there, it would be wrong to fuck you when you’re this drunk. But now that’s all I can think about.
B: Mm Im thinking about it too. I’m lying face down on the bed . . . imagining you fucking me from behind. God that wuld feel so good right now. I’d get up on my hands and knees so you could push that cock aaalll the way in and fuck me deep and hard like I like it.
E: Good God. You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?
B: Yes. If I have to be drink and horny an frustrated, you can at least be furstrated with me.
E: Oh baby. That’s a given right now. Will be until you come back. When are you coming back?
B: Um mebbe Sunday? Think tomorrow I might not feel so god.
E: I think you may be right. Now it’s my turn to tell you to sleep it off while I go beat off again.
B: Ill be beating off w/you.
E: I think you’ll be passed out, but I appreciate the solidarity.
B: No relly I will. Soon as I shut this phon. Fuck these buttins are tiny. Cnt see so good.
E: LOL Good night, Bella. Try to take some aspirin with a big glass of water right now.
E: Oh, honey. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow when you’re in hangover hell. I love you. Good night.
E: Okay, it’s mid-afternoon and I still haven’t heard from you. Please just text me “Hi” so I know you’re alive.
B: “Hi.” Barely. Death would be a sweet release.
E: Sorry you’re so sick. Why the hell did you get so drunk without me around?
B: Because there was nothing better to do. No one to stop me.
E: Bad reasons. Imagine me giving you a nice neck massage . . . There. Does your head feel better?
B: No. Imaginary massage is futile. Need the real thing.
E: I can be there in a few hours.
B: No. I’d die if you saw me this way. I smell like the bottom of a beer cask.
E: Now you know why I slunk away from your place that first morning. Shame and self-loathing in Seattle.
B: Now in Forks.
E: Right. I’ll let you get your rest. Feel better, sweet Bella.
B: Thanks. Maybe tomorrow.
E: Definitely tomorrow.
Sunday, September 19
B: I just read your letter. Well, it came in the mail yesterday, but I was so sick that Charlie didn’t bother me. The he went and forgot to give it to me until just now, the doofus. Edward . . . I don’t even know what to say. No, that’s not true. I have a million things I want to say to you, but not like this. It has to be in person. I would have left Forks today if I’d gotten your letter sooner. I’ll call you as soon as I get there tomorrow. I can’t wait to see you. I love you more than words could possibly express.
E: I can’t wait to see you, either. I never knew a week could drag by so slowly. Next time I’m coming with you.
B: There won’t be a next time. I’ll never leave you behind again.